I saiid..

I said that I will not cry any more …
I said that I will not stick any more …
I said that I will not have feelings any more …
I said that I will not imply myself any more…
I said I will do nothing but playing…
I said that I will keep the head on the shoulders though whatever haappen…
I said that I wiill be strong…
I said that nothing nor nobody will be able to reach me..
I said that I will juggle with reason and passion…
I said that I will be able to stop when I decide it…
I said so many other things… but nothing happen..

Effroyable..

je me reveille..
j'ouvre les yeux..
il est plus la.. il est partii..
j'aiii mal..

He told me..

what i say in my blog may be i can't say it in real life .. knowing someone new is always different .. the way he see you and how you see hiim is not always the best one in that special moment.. when the inspiration of writting comes it's liike the time stops,but it's not the case..im thinking in english writting in french, feeling in arabic, i don't know.. may be things are going upside down wiith me these days ..
im i doiing the right choices ?...did i? i definitetly don't know nofiing.. :)
what i knew about liife? that nothing happen for nothing.. i mean, all what happen, what we do ,coincidences, actions,choices,every thing has a sense ,an effect,later.. everything..
you know what he told me ?
to go away from my self , to not think about it until the end of that exam.. my big fear.
he told me that nothing is more important than that since now ..
he told me i have to fight against everything and always stiill stadiing..until ,i get what i want,until i achieve all my goals, always.
He is very impotant for me but is he right ?
He told me no more sarah.. no more daily life subjects.. but only what is" fundamental"(science)
He told me to" forget about your self you have only to work hard".
He said that .. but will i be what he thinks i wiill..?
He is pretediing knowing me better that i know my self..no! it's not true hin?
But..maybe i must acknowledge.. and say yes.
Why doesn't he simply trust in future ?
Why all thiis determination ?from where?
What is it hiding? did he want to do something and it didn't happen??
Or maybe what he's saying is usual and normal, but im not taking things easily ?
Maybe thiis exam is making me thinking like that because im not feeling able to do it ?
Tell me, is it a good thing to destruct the selfconfidence of someone for his own good ??
Maybe i've to be strong,persisting in working,very determinated,regular,always faithful to my envy to succeed,to never forget My principles and do every thing to achive what i want.
He told me that too..
He wants me to be someone special..
Maybe at the end it is more or less possible..
Maybe i have not to write all this.he told me to not do it.. and so ?

j'aii besoin de conseils.. a l'aiiide !

Little Sarah a un certains nombre de problemes, non négligeables, qu'elle n'arrive pas a résoudre :
J'aii oublié que blogger serai un moyen de trouver des solutions a mes problèmes actuels !
Bon voila j'en fait une liste ça sera plus facile:
cette année c'est l'année du bac pour moii !
(et ouii little sarah n'est plus sii little que ça ;)
alors :
_ Est ce vraii que je doiis commencer a bosser dès maintenant ?
_Si ouii que doit je faire ? par quoii commencer ?
_Etudiier avec un prof? sii pas toute seule ?
_Quii me conseillez vous pour les cours particuliers de Maths , Physique?
_ De chez quii ( nouveaux bacheliers) prendre les livres et cahiers utilisés , vu que j'aii perdu mon telephone ?
_comment gérer le stress quii s'installe deja et ce putin de toc que jaii (trichotillomanie) et quii va ruiner ma vie?
_Comment toujours croiire en mes compétences après mon flop au bac français que j'aii eu avec une moyenne de 7,5/20 ?
_le Bac ?: l'examen de la viie N:1 ? si on le rate notre aveniir est foutu ?
_A partir d'aujourdhuii il me reste moin d'un mois pour me préparer.. que faiire ??
_ ps: les vacances c'est vraiment fini ?
aidez moii a trouver des réponses..viite le temps passe..

A dying passion..

Impassioned kisses...glances which find eachothers...time going though them. a good weather. a nice life : nice cars. nice clothes, restaurants, connected parties, a banal but pretty nice love story ...definitely nothing lasts.. life is however so imperfect but so beautiful. what the human being must know does not have any limit. what he's able to achive is infinitely small. head full of dreams evrybody knows what it is. it's been two days that I am planted in front of my screen.. I simply can't put on paper or rather in words all I feel or what I just came to live, to see .. during this last week i putted evry thing in doubt, in questions.. I swept the pages of my life. (short life :). my principles. I cried all the tears of my body,I also laughed until not being able of anymore. .i knew worst feelings, deprivation, dependence, despair...but also a new pleasures like freedom.. pleasures..of the body and of spirit. .the discovery.. first times. all took an incredible turning sinces a few times..I am an impassioned which some times dont know any limit… I could maybe make someones around me suffring . but I also knew myself on another angle.. a new facet of me which I hid since a too long time. all went out in one blow..a tornado..

(A translation of my last post in french ! sorry for language mistakes! but since now im gonna write more often in english ;))